Today (Monday) is my last day of maternity leave. I go back to work tomorrow. The common questions over the last few weeks have been “How are you feeling about going back? ” and “Are you ready?”
The answers to those questions are pretty standard and totally expected, right?!? I am absolutely NOT ready to go back. This maternity leave was like no other. Not only did we have the ‘weight gain issue’ with Gracee but – we MOVED right in the middle of my leave. Having a new baby (again) and feeding/sleepless nights + two active boys – is PLENTY for a Mom on leave. I think the move just added another layer of complexity.
However, because we moved to a new house/town – there is also a big part of me that doesn’t want to leave HOME! For those of you that have been to the house, you can understand – I am sure. I absolutely LOVE being home. I actually felt similar at the old house too. I always liked to be home, since we have always been ‘on the go’ – type people. But now that the boys have a giant yard to play in — and our house has so much more space AND the neighborhood and view is so amazing – I want to be home even more.
Unfortunately, I can’t stay home forever. It’s not in the cards or in the budget. At least I know the boys and Grace will be well taken care of by Daddy and they will enjoy their time at home whether I am there or not.
If I am honest (which I try to be on this blog) I am actually terrified of adding the stresses of work/commuting into the mix of our life. I have been so exhausted these last few months (even the 2-3 months before Gracee was born). At least I have been able to close my eyes with Grace every now and then during the day. Heading back to the office will NOT allow for such things (although, I am tempted to get a mat for my floor and lock my office door. I can pump and then lay down for a Power-20 when needed).
Joe has been so patient with me. And I have NOT returned the act of kindness. Ugh. It’s just so hard to function after months of bad sleep. No excuse, I know. I have to do better with managing my ‘tiredness’.
Gracee is smiling a ton now — and even putting sound to her smile and starting to giggle almost. It’s adorable.
Her eyes are still steely-blue. She can pierce is person with her stare 😀 Nicholas & Anthony can get her to smile and watch what they are doing. I have a feeling she is going to be quite entertained by her brothers in the coming months.
I am going to aim to get Gracee moved over to her room this coming weekend. It’s almost ready for her – cleaned up, camera installed – just need some shades for the window so it’s. It so bright in there. I hope it’s a good move – for her and for me. The crib is so much more comfortable especially since she is getting bigger. And, I hope to sleep a bit better without all the noises right next to me. We will see how it goes.
I might disappear from this space for awhile. Hopefully not too long. The boys are going to finish out their school year and then it’s summer break! We are going on vacation (in the RV) at the end of June/beginning of July. We are looking forward to that — haven’t used the RV in 6 months and that is too long of a break for us!
Until the next time….wish me luck in ‘The Return‘ – and feel free to give me a hug next time you see me. I have a feeling I will need it.